Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
