Your face is a jimmy john
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize