Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
