SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
