I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
