you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
