and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
