careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think people are normalizing furries
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think i got beer on your cat.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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