Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize