She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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