This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
