But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
