I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
