Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
