They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
organizing the empties. That sober.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
