i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
