her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
