I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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