just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
