please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
