Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
