In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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