really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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