Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
