Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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