I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
