Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
