I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
