I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
