haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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