Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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