I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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