While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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