I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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