I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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