i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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