he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
