Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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