I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
