Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
