I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
