Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
