Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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