Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
