i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
