my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
