I'm pants shitting drunk right now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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