I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I could fuck to npr.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
