Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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