Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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