i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
