Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I look better un-naked...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
