You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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