We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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