defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
