Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
