...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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