it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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