Porn is love you can see.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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