There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
