doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
