My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize