i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
