Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize