Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
