On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
