Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
